you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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