I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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