sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
