The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
