Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
