She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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