well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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