Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
