Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
