I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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