Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
