Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
