I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
high people should be assigned attendants
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
