So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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