thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
