He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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