...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
