I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
