Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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