is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
