Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
