Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
