chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
only if we run a train.
done.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
