if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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