I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I could fuck to npr.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
