just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
