Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
honey bunches of taint.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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