Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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