20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
