I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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