A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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