Banned from zoo.
Again?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize