So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
