at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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