So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
