on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
