I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
