I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
