She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
