I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
