yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
