Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she smelled like a LAN party
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
