you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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