peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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