we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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