Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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