To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
