I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
