When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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