Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
