Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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