Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.