Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.