Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?