are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.