As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She made me pour olive oil on her.