Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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