they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
