Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
