There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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