I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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