Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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