You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize